Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
