So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
