I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
