Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
