So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize