Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
