so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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