i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
