Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
