i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
