you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
