i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
