i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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