Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
