i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone shattered a urinal.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
