Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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