I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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