When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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