It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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