looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
