so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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