Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
