i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
