he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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