I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
