She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
