Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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