What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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