just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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