Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
