I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
