I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
