he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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