did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize