Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
