I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
