I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
