On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize