I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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