Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
