My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
