Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
