Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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