did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
