I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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