yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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