then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
soo... how was my night?
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