When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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