he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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