Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
