Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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