There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
