Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
