the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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