You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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