guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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