a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
