my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i now understand why vodka
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
