Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
