things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
