You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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