Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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