She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
