Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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