she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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