you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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