careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
